1 John 4:7-9 (NIV) Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

Since my last blog, I have been troubled in spirit. It is over the fact that the blog could be seen as being very cold and uncaring. Unfortunately, truth can be cold and seem uncaring but that is not the message of God. We are admonished to speak the truth in love and John continues in the same chapter to say love one another just as God loves us. When we test the spirit, we are asking for the spirit of discernment and this gift can be quite harsh and stark. I do not want to leave that impression with you. That is not my heart, nor is it the heart of God. It is truth infused with the love of God.

Let me explain by my experience. It all started in 2014-2015 when the trial about active euthanasia was taking place in Canada. I had been in palliative care for over a decade and found that passion of Christ for those in their last months of life overwhelmed my heart. I was blessed to be able to share His love and His peace with so many on this challenging journey which to most was terrifying and impossible. As the trial where Beverley MacLachlan and her Supreme Court of Canada judges were to rule on physician killing approached, I found my spirit in spiritual battle. Every night from then until after Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Justice Minister David Lametti had defined how far physicians could kill others, I would wake up between two and three in the morning in a cold sweat. My gut was in knots, my mind in turmoil, and my spirit in battle. For two hours or more, I was in such deep agony as I wrestled in prayer with God over this. I could not sleep. I tossed and turned in bed, sometimes to the point my wife was concerned about my health. One night it would be about the health care workers, another night it would be over those alone in such deep suffering, another night it would be over those promoting physician killing, another night it would be over the effect it has on family, another night it would the effect it would have on those in the church, another night it would be over the silenced government backbenchers who sat as pons being used by their leaders, another night would be about how far this spirit would go once released to roam the land, another night it would be about how much division this spirit would reek over the nation. And all of it was frightening. It was a bottomless pit. Once evil is released, it can find something more evil to do which then births something more wicked than before, and when you think it could not get worse, it does. That’s why it’s called a bottomless pit to use the words of King David and the definition of Jordan Peterson.

God was showing me the spiritual warfare that was going on for the lives of everyone involved in this - present and future. He showed me how it would affect the spirit of health care givers and the result was black, bottomless, and terse. Their ability to care for the suffering would be greatly diminished. Their ability to discern suffering of the soul would be snarled at and ignored. Their personal health and wellbeing would be compromised. And I do feel that the “burnout” of our health care professionals is not just due to the COVID pandemic but due to the overshadowing, ever present atmosphere of being asked to assist in killing as opposed to concentrating all our efforts on healing and alleviating suffering. Palliative home care had to hire more spiritual care personnel to meet the demand for the increased existential/spiritual burnout they were seeing in staff. Oh, how my heart ached for those in the health care profession. Coldness of spirit, blindness in seeing the personhood of that one in the hospital bed, turmoil of their own personal spirit, feelings of vulnerability as they had to address the question of “Am I a healer or a killer?”. These things tore at me as I saw my beloved medical profession now having to serve two masters - Spirit (God) or physical (mammon). I saw those who follow the Lord being silenced more than they already are. I saw those who follow the Lord being belittled and not given positions of leadership. I saw those who follow the Lord who are already in leadership being forced to retire or fired. Blackness, blackness,

He was showing me how much Satan was laughing with glee as his ultimate goal of death was being achieved quicker in the lives of those choosing this escape route. Once the choice of euthanasia is firm, they cannot see anything else. Any thing spiritual or of the Spirit of God is shunned or angrily snared at as a dog growls with teeth bared. The avenue of sharing on a spiritual level is shut tight and any assistance in helping them go through this level of suffering is rejected. Satan has already won that battle. Oh, how that hurts my soul. Oh, how my heart aches and breaks for them. Oh, how the gift of God’s freedom is lost. All I could do is groan and weep with wordless tears. My heart was torn like one tears a piece of clothe.

He was showing me how the foundations of our country, Canada. No longer was an individual deemed worthy of every effort for life. If they deemed they would prefer death, Canada was happy to oblige. That was okay with our leaders. Their words were as sweet as honey in the mouth but as bitter as gall in the stomach. Their spiritual sensitivity to God was being replaced by open rebuke and aggression to the things of God and the church. The twisting of history was becoming an accepted new norm and any destruction to those individuals or organizations which did not allow the government dictates was their target. And, of course, in all of this, no-one was considered accountable. Memory of past atrocities in history such as Communist Soviet Union, Nazi Germany, Communisty China, and dictatorships such as DRCongo would come to mind and the darkness of realizing Canada is only one step away from this would come to mind. I would cry for my beloved country. There were no solutions, only dark nothingness. I would helplessly cry out to God. Help, God. Only You can save us from ourselves. Help us, God. You need to intervene.

He was showing me how this same spirit had entered the churches of Canada, even my very own church as one of our past national church leaders shared. He asked if I agreed with euthanasia and I said, “No”. I asked him about it and he said, “Yes, there is a place for it.” When I asked, “Where?” He stated, “Well there are the mentally handicapped who are just existing and not fully human….” And he stopped, ashamed of himself as I pointed out to him that he believed in eugenics, just as Nazis did in pre- World War II. That same spirit is in our churches. The church is no longer a safe haven for those in the midst of suffering who need a safe place away from the questioning caregiver who asks, “Do you want MAiD (physician killing)?” How cruel. In the midst of someone suffering, a physician provides this temptation to end it quickly. And they are not certain their church would back them up and support them in their suffering if they said, “No” to his question. How deep the deception goes. It was like drowning in mud with no place to find a foothold. That is what I saw and felt.

I saw Jesus saying to those who are promoting euthanasia, “It would be better that a millstone where tied around your neck and you be drowned in the sea.” How horrible is that! But how true. Promoting evil just makes things worse, not better. Killing people, even if they consent, does not make things better. If they did, you wouldn’t be feeling guilty and having to ask for forgiveness as stated in the prayer. I do not like the image of teachers being thrown into the sea but I do not like the realization of the lies they promote and propagate either. What is one to do? What is the solution, God? Only You can help in a situation like this.

The weight on my spirit during these times of wrestling would have done me in except for the support of a loving wife, the wonders of God’s nature, and the corporate prayers of my church. Our pastor at that time did not just say he believed in prayer, but he creating many avenues of prayer and it was during those times of corporate prayer during Sunday worship service, monthly Celebrations of Prayer, weekly Monday small group prayer, pre-worship service prayer, and prayer team meeting, I was able to get that weight off my shoulders and be refreshed by the living Spirit of God once again. I vividly remember one time during the annual board meeting of our Global church. Each board meeting started with the first morning being a Concert of Prayer. This one time, our 6 global church leaders stood in a line up front offering to pray with any one who needed individual prayer. I went up and stool in front of David Busic to share my concern for this matter. I just stood there and wept. With tears streaming down my face, I could only choke out the words, “Canada is planning on letting physicians kill.” I could not say more. He prayed for me. And God’s healing presence came and cradled a man who could not pray for himself because of the weight on his soul.

I could go on as this carried on for months and months, but I will not. What I have written is enough for you to get the idea of the spiritual battle God was giving me. I have never experienced such a struggle and fight against the powers of evil in my life as during that time. It was both terrifying and fulfilling at the same time. I felt God trusted me enough to share in some of His heartache for this portion of those He loves and died for. I felt God trusted the depth of my love for Him enough that He would allow me to carry some of the burden, just like His Son, Jesus carried the burden of the whole world. I felt God needed me to help Him fight the spiritual warfare He was going through. This is the tough love John is speaking about in his epistle. This is the true definition of love. It is love that suffers, it is love that sees you as more than you see yourself. It is love that desires to be with you and be your friend. It is love that says “I am with you”. It is love that says, “You can do it. I am here.” That is the love that conquers fear. That is the love that conquers anxieties. That is the love that spreads life.

Test the spirit speaks of the gift of discernment. But this gift needs to be used in the context of tough love, life giving love, deep sorrow and caring love. That is why I battled each night for months. Because I desire that God’s love be experienced by everyone in Canada. Because I desire that someone does not have to go into a temple (church sanctuary) to be sacrificed (MAiD performed in the church) as a human sacrifice. The ultimate sacrifice has been given in Christ, we do not have to go back to human sacrifice in the temple as they did centuries ago. Because I hate seeing the spiritual bondage people live in and place on others. That bondage can be self imposed but is often so pervasive in society one cannot help but succumb to it unintentionally. Oh how we need God’s help. Oh, how we prefer to run from it. Help me to be Your Hand to those I come in contact with so I can give a hand and help them rid themselves of the quagmire they find themselves in. It comes from Your deep, deep love. It is messy. It is not pretty. It is not rational. But it is Your Love that makes my heart ache. And it is this love which led me to write my first blog entitled. “Test the spirit”.